Saturday, February 8, 2014

Pretend engagement

My sister emailed me the other day with a very important question: "Do you want to pretend you're getting married and go to this?"


The invitation promised complimentary food and champagne tastings, so naturally I was keenly interested. Taite was unfortunately out of town, but I knew that my friend Laura would be down for something so ridiculous. She and I slipped my most convincing rings onto our left fingers and headed to West Seattle for a bit of pre-bridal pampering.

Forgive the quality of this and every other picture to come - I only had my phone with me.

We almost lost our nerves when we rolled up and saw how pretty and fancy the venue was, but we took a deep breath (and solidified our "engagement stories," should anyone ask - she'd received her proposal on June 9th ("Get it?") and I had been surprised with an extra special Christmas gift) and projected all the confidence of two brides-to-be. Our ruse worked, and we were rewarded for our subterfuge with two name tags.


It. Was. Amazing! I should always pretend to be engaged! There was so much good food and the wine flowed generously with nary a tip jar in sight (and I looked, I really did).




Only one person who worked at the open house even asked us what kind of event we were planning. I confidently opened my mouth, only to realize that I had only prepared an engagement story - not wedding plans! But words tumbled out anyway.

"I'm getting married! Well, theoretically," I said. Immediately, I mentally kicked myself.
"Theoretically...?" the nice lady asked.
"The date's set, but you never know!" I replied, laughing breezily as I had been proposed to every day of my adult life and a jilting were hardly worth fretting about - there's always another beau waiting in the wings, after all!
"Oh! Well... if you know your date, you might want to speak with [I didn't catch the name because I was too busy willing our conversation to be over]."
"Thank you! I'll do that," I said, and immediately returned to my wine.

Sensual about-to-eat-a-cupcake pose with fake engagement ring displayed prominently.

Eventually we felt that we had imposed too much on the hospitality of Foodz (even though they have an unnecessary "z" in their name, they were quite nice and they made good food) and Sanctuary At Admiral, and we left. But not before I attempted to ride a motorized elephant.


Moral of the story: always pretend to be engaged if it will get you free swag.

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